Where Is My Mind?

What Happens When the Problem Solving Mind Becomes the Problem

By Sarah Plassman, MSW, LISW-S

Sheesh! And Other Thoughts on Being Human

There is a Pixies song called “Where Is My Mind?”

If you've heard of the Pixies and you're reading this, nice taste in music. The Pixies are an alternative rock band, famous in the 90s, which somehow still feels appropriate for anyone wearing a flannel shirt, Doc Martens, and experiencing emotional confusion.

Where is my mind?

Perhaps one of the most frequently asked questions in therapy.

I hear variations of it all the time. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this? Why can't I stop thinking about it? Why am I anxious when nothing is even happening? Is my brain broken?

Sometimes people describe a completely understandable reaction to stress, uncertainty, relationships, loss, or simply being a human with a nervous system, and then look at me as though we have just discovered that their brain was assembled incorrectly at the factory.

So let me introduce you to Head Office.

Head Office is your brain. It handles memory, language, movement, decision making, and keeping your organs doing all the organ things without requiring your supervision.

Very impressive operation.

But today, we need to talk about one particular department.

Risk Management.

Risk Management isn't a literal department of the brain, of course. It's my shorthand for all the checking, predicting, warning, remembering, and problem solving our minds do to help keep us safe.

Risk Management is deeply committed to keeping you alive, and it has an unofficial motto:

ABC: Always Be Checking

This is not an official psychological acronym. I made it up.

Risk Management has nevertheless added it to the employee handbook.

What's happening? What changed? Is that important? Are we safe? Is there a problem? Could there become a problem? Should we perhaps form a small committee to discuss the potential problem?

Risk Management loves a committee.

For most of human history, being good at noticing possible threats was an excellent quality to have.

Imagine two cavemen walking through the woods. We'll call them Grog and Kevin.

Grog hears rustling in the bushes and thinks, That could be a lion. He stops, looks around, and grabs his pointy stick.

Kevin hears the exact same noise.

I'm sure it's fine.

Kevin was very relaxed. Kevin remained completely present in the moment. Kevin did not catastrophize.

Kevin also did not make it to dinner.

RIP Kevin.

Grog survived long enough to have children who were also suspicious of bushes. And after several thousand generations of suspicious bush people, here we are.

Safe in our homes at 11:47 p.m., staring at a text message that says:

K.

Different jungle. Same Risk Management Department.

Someone's tone changed? Figure it out. You made a mistake? Fix it. Something feels off? Investigate. You feel anxious? Why?

You don't know why?

Well, clearly we should think about it for the next four hours.

Risk Management is nothing if not committed.

Head Office Is Very Good at Solving Problems

To be fair, your brain is an excellent problem solver.

Your tire is flat? Find a jack. Or someone with a jack, in my case.

It's raining? Get an umbrella. Or, in my case, find someone with an umbrella. Just kidding. I have received adequate training in umbrella operations.

Smoke coming from the kitchen? Perhaps stop scrolling and investigate.

External problems often have concrete solutions. Identify the problem, come up with options, try something, and see whether it worked.

Head Office loves this.

Give it IKEA furniture and a vague diagram containing one tiny Allen wrench and it will at least attempt to rise to the occasion.

The trouble begins when Risk Management points that same problem solving system inward.

Why am I anxious? Why am I sad? Why did that bother me? Why am I still upset?

And eventually:

What is wrong with me?

Suddenly, Risk Management has taken a feeling and opened an investigation. There is yellow tape around the scene.

You are the detective.

You are also the prime suspect.

Because if anxiety is a problem, surely Head Office can solve anxiety. If sadness is a problem, surely we can stop being sad. And if uncertainty is a problem, perhaps another twelve hours of thinking will finally produce certainty.

If none of that works?

Perhaps you are the problem.

Risk Management can be a little dramatic.

Don't Believe Me? Try This.

Let's conduct a little experiment.

Read each statement slowly. Your assignment is not to argue with it, prove it, or fix it. Just observe what your mind does.

I am a likable person.

Pause. Observe.

I am worthy of love.

Pause. Observe.

I am whole and complete.

Pause. Observe.

I am perfect.

Observe.

What happened?

Did Head Office simply read those statements and continue peacefully with its day?

Or did Risk Management immediately clock in?

Well, you're likable to SOME people.

Worthy of love? Sure, theoretically.

Whole and complete seems ambitious.

Perfect? Absolutely not. I have witnesses.

Maybe your brain started fact checking, comparing, evaluating, or searching old memories for contradictory evidence.

Which is interesting, because that wasn't the assignment.

The assignment was simply to notice the sentence.

But Risk Management heard I am worthy of love and immediately requested supporting documentation.

ABC.

Always Be Checking.

That wasn't the assignment.

But Head Office has procedures.

Our minds naturally evaluate information, connect it to past experiences, predict what things mean, and decide whether something needs our attention.

Very useful when the question is:

Is that a lion?

Considerably more complicated when the question is:

Am I good enough?

When Risk Management Turns You Into the Problem

A feeling shows up. Sadness, fear, loneliness, jealousy, anger, embarrassment.

Risk Management starts checking.

Why do I feel this way?

Fair question.

Then it becomes, Why am I STILL feeling this way? Shouldn't I be over this by now? Other people handle this better.

And suddenly:

What is wrong with me?

We went from I am having an uncomfortable feeling to Apparently I am defective.

That escalated quickly.

Feelings are not usually problems in the same way flat tires are problems. A flat tire requires action. You cannot emotionally process your way onto the highway with three functioning tires.

Feelings are internal experiences. They can give us information about our needs, losses, threats, values, relationships, memories, or what is happening around us.

Anger may tell us a boundary was crossed. Fear may alert us to possible or perceived danger. Loneliness may tell us connection matters. Sadness may tell us something mattered and was lost.

Sometimes those feelings point toward something we need to do.

But the feeling itself does not always need to be eliminated.

Sometimes it needs attention, curiosity, comfort, or action.

And sometimes:

Oh. Anxiety is here.

That's it.

No task force. No congressional hearing. No twelve episode Netflix documentary titled Why Am I Like This?

Head Office Never Closes

Here is the slightly inconvenient news.

Head Office isn't closing.

Risk Management definitely isn't.

Apparently they operate twenty four hours a day with absolutely no interest in work life balance.

Risk Management will keep checking, predicting, comparing, and remembering. Occasionally it will pull a file from seventh grade at 12:14 a.m. and ask:

Do you remember this?

Yes.

Thank you.

Please put that back.

We may not get to choose every thought Head Office produces, but we do have some choice about what happens after the thought appears.

This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, can be useful.

ACT focuses in part on changing our relationship with difficult thoughts and feelings rather than automatically trying to eliminate them. Skills such as acceptance and cognitive defusion can help us notice what the mind is producing without automatically letting it determine what we do next.

So instead of always asking:

How do I stop thinking this?

we might ask:

Can I notice that my brain is thinking this without automatically treating it like an instruction?

Risk Management says, Don't go. You'll feel awkward.

Noted.

Don't say anything. They might disagree.

Thank you for your input.

Something could go wrong.

True. Things occasionally do.

We should avoid this forever.

Okay, now you're getting carried away.

This does not mean ignoring everything Head Office tells us.

If Risk Management says, The stove is on fire, please listen.

This is not the moment for cognitive defusion.

But not every thought is an emergency. Not every prediction is a fact. Not every feeling is a command.

You can let Risk Management check.

And you can still decide what you do next.

Risk Management Has No Concept of Scope of Practice

Risk Management is an extremely dedicated department with absolutely no concept of scope of practice.

It means well. It works hard. It submits reports.

So many reports.

But occasionally it starts making decisions considerably above its pay grade.

You feel nervous becomes Obviously, we should never do this.

That person seemed quiet becomes They hate us.

You made a mistake becomes Let's reconsider your entire personality.

Sir.

Please return to your department.

We don't need to shut down Risk Management. We need Risk Management.

We certainly don't want Kevin running the department.

RIP Kevin.

The goal is remembering that Risk Management works for you.

It can check. It can make recommendations. It can sound alarms. It can send seventeen strongly worded emails.

But you are still running the show.

So instead of constantly asking, How do I make my brain stop doing this? perhaps we get curious.

What is Risk Management trying to protect me from?

Is there actually a problem here that needs solving, or is this an uncomfortable internal experience I can make some room for?

Does Risk Management's proposed solution help me live the life I want?

Risk Management may never stop submitting recommendations.

Fine.

Let them submit the report.

You do not have to approve every proposal.

Which brings us back to the Pixies.

Where is my mind?

Oh, it's here.

Head Office is open. Risk Management is working overtime, evaluating a text message, replaying something from three years ago, trying to solve sadness, preparing for an event that hasn't happened, and apparently scheduling another committee meeting.

Thank you for your report, Risk Management.

We've got it from here.

Sheesh.

When Head Office Is Working Overtime

If your own Risk Management Department has been working overtime and anxiety, overthinking, self doubt, or difficult emotions are making it harder to live the way you want, therapy can help.

At Agape Counseling Center, therapy can be a place to understand what your mind is trying to protect you from, learn new ways to respond to difficult thoughts and feelings, and make choices based on what matters to you rather than automatically following every alarm Head Office sends.

Sometimes the goal isn't to make your mind completely quiet.

Sometimes it's learning that you don't have to attend every meeting it schedules.

References

Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25.

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Additional Reading

For a reader friendly introduction to ACT, the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science offers information about psychological flexibility, acceptance, cognitive defusion, values, and committed action.

For a practical introduction written for the general public, The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris explores many of these ACT concepts in everyday language.

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About the Author

Sarah Plassman, MSW, LISW-S, is a therapist and owner of Agape Counseling Center in Centerville, Ohio, and the author of Sheesh! And Other Thoughts on Being Human. Being a therapist has shaped the way she sees people, relationships, pain, joy, growth, and all the complicated things we carry with us. Through her writing, Sarah shares some of what she has learned from years in the therapy room, her own life, and simply paying attention to what it means to be human, with clinical insight, compassion, curiosity, and usually a little humor.

Because apparently, if she goes too long without saying something weird, she starts becoming suspiciously well adjusted, and nobody wants that.

Disclaimer

This article is for educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health treatment, diagnosis, or professional advice. Thoughts and emotions can sometimes signal circumstances that require action, support, medical care, or attention to safety. Learning to observe a thought or make room for an emotion does not mean ignoring genuine danger, remaining in harmful situations, or dismissing concerns that need to be addressed.

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Educational Disclaimer

This article is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health assessment, diagnosis, treatment, or professional advice. The therapeutic relationship and appropriate treatment approach will vary based on each person's needs and circumstances.