Beauty and the Grief
Updated: Sep 25
When Gratitude and Grief Arrive Together
By: Stephanie Ezea MS, LPCC
During a staff photo session at Agape Counseling Center, I pretended to sell ice cream from a gazebo with my CEO.
There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Probably.
Sarah had arranged for professional photographs, and her sister, Emily, was behind the camera. Somewhere between poses, I leaned across the opening of a gazebo and announced that it looked as though I were selling ice cream at a fair.
So naturally, I invited Sarah into my imaginary business venture.
“Sarah, come sell ice cream with me.”
She did.
I deeply appreciate people who will indulge my harmless absurdity.
But what stayed with me most was the affection between Sarah and Emily. When I asked what each appreciated about the other, their answers came naturally. Watching them delight in one another was beautiful.
Thank You, Jesus, that they have this.
And alongside that gratitude, I noticed an ache.
It is possible to be happy for someone and still feel the tenderness of something you long for.
Perhaps you have felt it too: celebrating a friend’s milestone, seeing a close family together, or hearing someone describe a relationship you wish you had. You can mean every word of “I’m so glad for you” and still feel sadness afterward.
That does not automatically make you envious or ungrateful. Sometimes another person’s joy touches a place where you are grieving.
I think of feelings as notifications. They draw our attention to something, but a feeling is not a complete account of what is true or an instruction we have to follow.
Gratitude might say, There is goodness here. Notice it.
Grief might say, This mattered. I miss it.
And if envy arrives, we can acknowledge it without shaming ourselves or feeding resentment. We can be honest about what we want while remembering that someone else’s blessing is not a verdict on our worth.
An emotion getting my attention does not automatically mean that emotion gets my obedience.
We may need time and support to decide how to respond. Feeling something deeply does not mean we have failed.
For me, responding includes bringing both the gratitude and the ache to Jesus. I can thank Him for something beautiful and tell Him that witnessing it hurts. I do not have to choose the “more faithful” feeling before I pray.
Jesus, thank You that this goodness exists. You also know what it touches in me. Help me love others freely and bring my own hurt honestly to You.
Scripture makes room for joy and sorrow:
“Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.”
— Romans 12:15, NLT
Sometimes we do both in the same afternoon.
When those feelings arrive together, it may help to pause and ask:
What is beautiful here? Let yourself notice the goodness.
What feels tender? Name the loss or longing without scolding yourself for having it.
What is a loving next step? Consider what would care for the other person and for you.
That next step might be a sincere congratulations, a quiet moment afterward, or a prayer as simple as, I am happy for them, and this hurts.
You do not have to rush the ache away to prove that your gratitude is real.
I think again of that photograph: Sarah and me, Emily behind the camera, and an imaginary ice cream business that will almost certainly never turn a profit.
It reminds me that joy does not have to wait until every loss has been resolved.
There was genuine beauty that day. There was grief, too.
I could thank Jesus for one and trust Him with the other.
About the Author
Stephanie Hope Alexandra Ezea, MS, LPCC-S, CDCA, is a Christian therapist and clinical supervisor with Agape Counseling Center in Centerville, Ohio. She works with adults navigating grief, trauma, anxiety, relationships, identity, and difficult life transitions, integrating evidence-based clinical care with Christian faith when desired by the client. Stephanie provides telehealth counseling to clients throughout Ohio.
Educational Disclaimer
This article and material is intended for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health assessment, diagnosis, treatment, or professional advice. The therapeutic relationship and appropriate treatment approach will vary based on each person's needs and circumstances. Reading the article or using the worksheet does not create a therapist-client relationship.
